Monday, January 12, 2009

Waking Up Angry

Ed: What follows are some personal thoughts, but I thought that perhaps my lessons learned would help someone else

Today I woke up angry, and that's good. I was angry at me for forgetting who I am and what my strengths are. Sometimes something is hard because you are making a big difference and changing something that needs changing. And sometimes things are hard because your doing it wrong.

For me, it was the latter. The problem with a decent amount of competency and stubborn headedness is that most things that you put your head to you can do reasonably well, even if its not your thing to do. The only problem is that it takes all your time and energy and you aren't doing what you are good at and can make a difference doing.

Somewhere along the way I got back to my younger self and was trying to hang out with the cool kids. I'm not one of the cool kids, and I probably never will be, and trying to be there is just saying cool is the only way to be.

Instead teaching classes that people clamor for (I have 2 emails in my inbox and one person who pesters me once a month to see if I'll teach again) I've been busy organizing things and running events, and at the same time being behind scenes too much to be very visible, unless you were paying attention.

Sometimes its your smallness that gets you to realize that you're on the wrong path. And I guess that's what it was for me. I need my projects to give me a sense of overall benefit, and yes, I like continued recognition (as long as people are still talking about what I did.) Teaching and virtual worlds, and blogging all give me that feedback. So does participating in things like Seesmic and the other social parts of Web 2.0 - for the fun of it.

So it's time for me to stop trying to be all that I can be, and instead be me. Sometimes you have to stretch beyond what you can do, but sometimes you have to come home and focus on who you are and what benefits you.

1 comment:

rjmoriarty said...

As a person who was recently trying to force himself in a world he doesn't belong in (yet, at least), I totally see where you're coming from, and reading this post was very helpful to me. I'm ready to look at who I am and what I have, decide what I really want, and leverage these things, instead of playing would-be web entrapeneur when I don't even have anything to offer.

For now, I'll continue to Twitter (and maybe blog) as I please, but only as I please. That's how I met the wonderful people I know now, so it's rewarding. It works. I don't have to be a marketting genius to make good connections and good friends online. And if, someday, my goals and skills overlap with someone else, well, I'll probably have my casual approach to thank for it.